Fun Stuff

Song:  The Policemanís Song From The Pirates of Penzance by Gilbert & Sullivan

When a felon's not engaged in his employment (his employment)
or maturing his felonious little plans (little plans)
his capacity for innocent enjoyment (-cent enjoyment)
is just as great as any honest man's (honest mans)
 

Our feelings we with difficulty smother (-culty smother)
when constabulary duty's to be done (to be done)
Ah, take one consideration with another (with another)
a policeman's lot is not a happy one

Ahhh
When constabulary duty's to be done, to be done,
a policeman's lot is not a happy one.

When the enterprising burglars not a'burgling (not a'burgling)
When the cut throat isn't occupied in crime (-pied in crime)
he loves to hear the little brook a'gurgling (brook a'gurgling)
and listen to the merry village chime (village chime)

When the coster's finished jumping on his mother (on his mother)
he loves to lie a'basking in the sun (in the sun)
Ah, take one consideration with another (with another)
a policeman's lot is not a happy one

Ahhh
When constabulary duty's to be done, to be done,
a policeman's lot is not a happy one (happy one).
 

Song:  The Gendarmes By Offenbach

We're public guardians, bold yet wary,
And of ourselves, we take good care.
To risk our precious lives, we're chary,
When danger looms, we're never there.
But when we meet a helpless woman,
Or little boys that do no harm
 

    Chorus:
    We run them in, We run them in,
    We run them in, We run them in,
    We show them, we're the bold gendarmes,
    We run them in, We run them in,
    We run them in, We run them in,
    We show them, we're the bold gendarmes!
     

Sometimes our duty's extra mural,
then butterflies we love to chase.
We like to gambol in things rural,
Commune with nature, face to face.
Unto our beats then back returning,
Refreshed by nature's holy charms,

(Chorus)

If gentlemen will make a riot
And punch each other's heads at night,
We're quite disposed to keep it quiet,
Provided that they make it right.
But if they do not seem to see it
or give us our proper terms,

(Chorus)

A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.

"You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."

"Oh yes dear, what happened ?"

"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."

"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them ?"

"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."